It's Official...Our Family Is Funny!

For the past several years in Manhattan there has been a Last Laugh comedy competition in Aggieville, and my step-dad has entered with his Singing Gutterboy act. It's pretty funny stuff and each year he's been better and better.
And last night, he won :)

This was super special for several reasons. First, because my step-dad is awesome and is a pretty funny dude. (Hopefully all this "I'm the funniest guy in NE Kansas" doesn't go to his head TOO much, otherwise we'll be stuck with fart jokes all year just because he can...)
And second, last night was also my Mom's birthday. So it was a super fun night to be out and watch him win and hug my mom on stage all happy and stuff. ;)

I can't talk about his act too much because some of it's R-rated stuff. And some is about stuff grownups do, but I always tune those songs out and think he's singing about fluffy bunnies.

This is him singing the fluffy bunny song. 

If you want to know what the actual songs are like, feel free to browse his website. There's a CD you can buy or a section where you can listen to a few songs. 

http://www.thesinginggutterboy.com/

Anyway, congratulations Pat! We're all so happy for you!

Oh, Crap

You know the phrase, "Monkey See, Monkey Do?" Around here lately it's been "Monkey Hear, Monkey Say." It's good because Burrito has quickly picked up new words this way, but (as I'm sure every parent knows), that's not always the best thing.
Recently a Modern Family episode (another obsession of mine that I forgot to add to the list..I'll have to do another post and add things I forgot!) made waves when they had the toddler on the show, Lilly, say a bad word.

Of course, look at what she's wearing. Can you really blame her?? 

Well, the actress just said cheese or something and they bleeped it on the show to make it seem like she cussed but she never actually did. People freaked, saying the show was horrible. Honestly, I thought the episode was great. It made me feel better about being a parent. I have no idea what people were so up in arms about, because let's face it. Kids say the darndest things. And sometimes that includes a bad word.
Or in our case, a bad phrase.
Or two.

I'm expecting my button any day now

It started innocently enough. I had my Mom on speakerphone one afternoon and realized I had double-booked us for two birthday parties that weekend. When I realized the mistake, I said "Oh crap." And what did the little one in the backseat say to that?

"Oh, crap."

Nana thought it was hysterical and immediately burst out laughing, which made Burrito say it about ten more times. I admit, it was funny but horrifying at the same time. After I stopped reacting to it, Burrito forgot all about her new phrase and I thought all would be well in the world.

Then we went to Nana's for dinner the next evening. 

After dinner Burrito was playing with her toys when we heard this little phrase pop out.
"Shut up! Shut up!"
The room went dead silent. This is pretty much how I felt:

Joey is shocked. Shocked!

Now, I know I need to watch my language, (especially while driving and people cut me off). But we don't ever say that kind of thing in front of Burrito due to you know, scarring the kid for life and being bad parents. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out where she would have heard that phrase. So after Daddy and Burrito had a chat about why that was inappropriate and things like that hurt people's feelings she apologized to everyone and we went home. 

Then we discovered the culprit. 

Remember how I said we have snuggle/movie time before bed?? Well a week ago I checked out the movie Rio from the library and it's been Burrito's current favorite thing. (It's a good movie! Bright colors, fun songs and is just plain cute). But for some reason I was paying closer attention to it that night than any other night, and I realized that during the "bad birds" evil song he says a certain phrase to the other birdies. 

Yes, you're evil. We get it. Did you have to teach my toddler the phrase "Shut up?" 

Wait. Quit glaring at me...

So now Mommy has to fast-forward that part of the "Birdie Movie." Hopefully she forgets that phrase too. It's due soon anyway and when she's a bit older and completely understands that that's not a nice thing to say we'll check it back out. 

In the meantime, Mommy is definitely going to work on substitute words when she gets road rage.

Obsessions

Okay, so those who know me well know that when I discover something new and awesome I have a *slight* tendency to get obsessive about it. Like Pinterest. Or Harry Potter. Or looking at Harry Potter pins ON pinterest....
Yes, I know. I have issues.
Anyway.
My most recent obsession is Game of Thrones. You guys. This show is SO GOOD. There are bad guys and good guys and swords and chicks that are bad a** and cute boys and direwolves and zombies and dragons and my little fangirl heart can hardly take it!!
Ahem. So basically every Sunday The Husband and I are glued to the TV with a giant bowl of popcorn. It's one of my favorite times of the week :) Of course, he yells at me if I dare open up Pinterest while watching so I have to wait til it's over to fuel that addiction. But it's all good :)
So since i seem to be in List Mood today here are some of my top Obsessions. Don't judge too much, and feel free to add yours in the comments if you dare!
Without further ado, here are

Heather's Top Ten Obsessions:

1. World of Warcraft. 

I haven't played as much recently due to being addicted, er, interested in other things. But when I get into the WoW groove I stay up way too late and spend my Friday evenings playing the game after Burrito goes to sleep.

Sadly, I have yet  to become a NightElf Mohawk

2. Harry Potter. 

Yup, still obsessed. If it's Harry Potter marathon weekend on ABC Family, I will watch it. Even though I own all the DVDs. Even though I own all the Blu-Rays. Even though I own all the books. Even though I'm currently in the middle of buying all the e-books. (Please remember not to judge too much!!) I freaking love JK Rowling and the world and characters she created. And even if her new book is horrendous, I will still love it. Because it's JKR. And JKR DOES NO WRONG.

Nothing will ever live up to them. But that's what rereading is for!

3. Game of Thrones 

...but we already talked about that!

Dani has dragons. Dragons are awesome.

4. Nora Roberts. 

Ah, Queen Nora. You are a close second to JKR. My bookshelf is pretty much ALL Nora Roberts paperbacks. It's a comfort thing. I read her books before falling asleep every night. No clue why. She just released her 200th book (TWO freaking hundred. Talk about making you feel a little lazy!) Anyway. I've always loved La Nora and try to snatch her new books at work before anyone else can!

Even Stephen King says she's cool. You don't ignore Stephen King.

5. Pinterest. 

It's a great way to pass the time and look at a lot of crafts I'll probably never do and find recipes that look delicious. (I actually HAVE made several of the recipes. Go me!)

Where Pinterventions begin

6. YA books. 

(No, not mother trucking Twilight. Vampires don't friggin sparkle. I like the books but will never get past that. Vamps may be sexy, but they are EVIL. They stalk and kill, not look constipated and glisten)

You will think about it every time you see him now. 

*Ahem* Moving on... 

YA books are great. My most addicted series are Hunger Games (obvs) and anything by Rick Riordan. Rachel Hawkins, Kiersten White, and Marissa Meyer are all current obsessions

7. Lost. 

Oh man, I loved that show (Not the ending. We pretend that doesn't exist) Before the Ending That We Don't Talk About Brian and I watched this show all the time. We got hooked when I was pregnant. Watching four seasons in two months was a good way to sit on my pregnant bootie and forget how much my feet hurt. And I seriously miss the beginning with the dude going "Previously, on Lost..."

Crazy things happen on a crazy island....

8. Vampire TV shows. 

Specifically, ones where no one freaking sparkles.

Although they seem to glisten too. Hmm. Lestat would not approve

9. Bad 80s music. 

(Remember, no judging!) I blame my mother. But if I'm running or on a car trip?? Def Leppard, baby

 Armaggedon it!

10. Friends 

I couldn't keep my favorite Friends off the list! It's been off the air for years but I can still quote every episode. And like Harry Potter, I will watch over and over and over and over.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...(you know you clapped)

 Aaand that's my list!! Apparently I am a big, big nerd. But that's okay. All the cool kids are :)

Neglectful Blogger Momma Strikes Again!

Remember when I was going to do better about blogging? Haha. Oops.
But that's okay! I'll just blog today and pretend like I've kept at it the whole time. On to the fun stuff!
Top Five Cute Things Baby Girl (Codename: The Burrito) Has Done Recently:
1. Sing "I Love You, You Love Me" to herself before she falls asleep. I am not to blame for this (because Momma does not care for Barney so we'll watch anything but that creepy purple dinosaur), but she's picked it up, and I gotta admit, it's freaking adorable when she sings it in her room.
2. She is OBSESSED with the song "Ruby" by the Kaiser Chiefs. Daddy got her hooked on it. So now whenever we get in the car she'll politely ask for Ruby and sing along. And again, it's super freaking cute.
3. Burrito now knows all of the alphabet and can count to ten! Yay!
4. Bubbles are the best thing ever. We're working on teaching her to blow them herself, but so far she loves to chase them around the yard and try to pop them.
5. She likes to SNUGGLE! This is a big one for Momma because since the time she was about six months old the child doesn't sit still long enough for a proper snuggle. But lately she's been really into getting her blankets (yes, blankets-we have to have 3 of them to snuggle properly) and snuggling with Momma before bedtime. Which of course, Momma loves <3

Not too long ago we converted to a toddler bed so now we're really working on Potty Training. She likes to sit on the potty, but she doesn't do a whole lot while there. I made a cute Potty Chart for her to put stickers on (she looooves stickers) but the dang cat yanked it off the wall and attacked it.
Some days, I really prefer Belle over Oscar. (Not that he minds, he spends all the time snuggling with The Husband and ignores me. I repeat: Dang cat.)

Despite failing on the blogging part of my New Year's Resolution, I've done pretty well with the other ones. In March I ran/walked the St. Patrick's Day Parade and in June I'm doing the Color Run. Hopefully I'll be ready for the 5k. I've been getting up at the crack of dawn to jog on my own in the mornings (If you know me at all you'll know what an accomplishment that is--the mornings are my mortal enemy). I'm still not very good, but I figure doing some is better than doing nothing and that someday I'll get there.

 I'm still querying agents for the book I wrote-I had one ask for the manuscript (which got me ALL. KINDS. OF. EXCITED.) but she ultimately decided to pass. It was a crushing letdown, but I'm still trying. Again, better than doing nothing. And at least I'm not obsessivly checking my email every two seconds to see if I have a reply anymore. That was probably beginning to annoy The Husband. ;) 

New Year Resolutions, Dude Colds Stink, and What To Do After You've Written A Novel

 Happy Belated New Year!
As you can guess from the title, I've been a little sick recently. So has Baby Girl and The Husband. It's made for a rather interesting start to the new year, but we're working through it. And by "working through it"  I mean we have a crapload of tissues and cough syrup lying around. Which is always fun.
This cold has made me start my resolutions a little late. Just like a bajillion other people, I have goals of getting more organized, being better about money and losing weight. Actually, I've made it a goal to try and run a 5k sometime this year, which will be completely awesome if it doesn't kill me.
Let's hope for awesome.
Another goal of mine for 2012? Find a literary agent for my book.
A what, you say? An agent? Whazzat??
Basically a literary agent is a super awesome person who helps you get your book published. You can try and go it alone without an agent but everything I've read says that's really not a good idea. An agent is an amazing partner who wheels and deals with you in the giant crazy publishing world.
Problem is, you have to get one to like your book first.
How do you do that? Well, first you write a book (I know, duh! But hey, it's a lot freaking harder than it sounds. Believe me.)
So your book is all done. After you have done SEVERAL revisions and forced a friend or critique partner to go over it, you can start querying an agent. There are several super cool websites that can help you learn how to write a good query. My favorite is QueryShark, but watch out. The shark can bite.
Then you send your query to a few favorite agents you've found by either stalking your favorite authors online and seeing who represents them or googling literary agents.
Now I'm not going to recommend you stalk your favorite authors, but usually you can find out a LOT of information from their websites or blogs (do not confuse this with THE alot-and if you have no idea what I'm talking about check out Hyperbole and a Half. You're welcome).
I'd suggest at least taking a look at your favorite author's site before you query.
So you send an agent or two your query letter. Then you reread said letter. Then you freak out. If you're anything like me, your freak out will sound like this:
"Oh crap, this query is terrible, WHY did I press send, how do I get it back?!?!"
Then you groan and console yourself with Cheez-Its and wait for your "I'm sorry, but we are looking for other things" response. Because the sad truth is, you're probably going to get a no. Which sucks. :( But you have to keep your head up. Just because it doesn't work for that agent doesn't mean it won't work for another. And if you're lucky you get advice on how to make your query not suck. You go through and revise before sending it to other agents. (NEVER resend to an agent who has said no. They don't like that and then you become annoying query author which is never a good thing).
The good news is, all it takes is one Yes. So you hope and hope and hope that somewhere out there, SOMEONE likes your book.
In the meantime? You write another book. And then start all over again :)

It's the Holidays!

Today I realized I've been rather neglectful of being a blogger, which is kind of odd because I like to write. Weird. But since it's the holiday season and Burrito is doing all sorts of cute things I realized I better start writing them down and putting them on the internet. That way she can thank me in ten years (because I've heard that your kids LOVE you and COMPLETELY understand every rule and decision you make when they are teenagers. Right? Right????)

So since I've been Neglectful Blogger Momma here is a recap of all the insanely freaking cute things my daughter has done recently: 

1. Sing and dance to "Frosty the Snowman" I keep trying to record her singing the song and naturally she stops as soon as she hears the recording click on. Sigh. But it's super cute so I will keep trying!

2. Sing the alphabet. Burrito's version is more like "ABCDEEE!" To her credit though, in the last few days she's nailed the ending of the song. We'll just keep working on that pesky LMNOP part ;)

3. Counting is 2,3,4,6,8,10,14,14,14,14! I have no idea where she got that from. She absolutely refuses to start with 1, and I'm not sure why she doesn't like odd numbers! 

4. Much like her beloved singing Frosty, we have a singing and dancing Santa Claus that she is growing fond of. The only thing is that since he dances, she's slightly afraid of him and won't make him dance herself. So now if she wants to hear him sing and dance she says "Santa pwease, Santa pwease, Santa PWEASE!"

We're working on patience ;)

5. She loves Pixar. I gotta admit, if I have to watch a kids movie every night before bedtime, the Pixar films are the way to go! Momma is a big fan of the Disney Princesses --despite the horrible lessons they teach small kids and all--which you don't really think about at ALL when you're six...I mean, I watched The Little Mermaid about thirty million times and had no idea Ariel was teaching me to be stubborn, not listen to my parents, think men only love pretty girls who don't talk (which totally rubbed off on me, I mean, The Husband married me because I am quiet and NEVER talk, and have NO opinions....hehehe). Ariel also taught me that the best way to spend the day was in a clamshell bikini, but alas, I have yet to find one. 

And don't get me started on the bad things they say about Belle. A girl likes to read and all of a sudden she's a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. Which, okay, she does fall for the dude that kidnapped her, but he like, changed and stuff. And...All right, fine, they have a perfectly valid point with that, but I love Belle so don't diss mai girl!!! She READS. Be nice to the girl who reads a lot!!!

Hmm. First blog post and I got on my soapbox. Whoops. *hops down* *hangs head in shame*

So, erm....Burrito! She likes Pixar films. And it's super funny to hear her try to say "To infinity and beyond!" Or Mufasa, which sounds more like "Mumasa." 

Also, I swear I don't just let my kid watch TV all the time. We play and read (Baby Girl had a breakdown when Momma tried taking Chicka Chicka Boom Booma back to the library. The tantrum was EPIC. The kicker? I was taking it back because we now OWN THE BOOK).

But Momma is a big fan of snuggling so before bed we chill and snuggle and watch Pixar. Judge if you want but I love our couchtime snuggles :)

And that's all for now! I have more cute stories which means I will be better about blogging. I also need to figure out how to put pictures on here and stuff. If you know how, feel free to advise me in the comments! Or just comment on anything in general. TTFN!